A few weeks ago, this amazing photo of Miss Piggy and Liam Hemsworth surfaced. Actually, it was no accident, since Liam put the picture out there. He wanted Piggy bad, and I hoped she would go for it because it would be a great way to get back at Kermit the Frog for his torrid affair with Denise the Pig. (Who is far less accomplished and younger than our favorite Piggy.) Denise was contacting the tabloids with tips while Piggy was probably still reeling from her divorce announcement. Plus, Liam is a hottie.
Well, it looks like Piggy rejected Liam, or at least, she’s playing the field. A random HuffPo columnist named John Trowbridge posted a photo of himself with Piggy. He’s looking at her adoringly while stares off into the distance. Don’t tell me she’s thinking of that terrible frog. John says he and Piggy flirted for months and had a wild weekend together, but he feels like she used him. He even posted text messages! Here’s part of John’s tale of woe:
I can’t stop thinking about her. About Friday night.
I hooked up (twice) with Miss Piggy over the weekend. It’s the happiest I’ve been in years. And sure, she’s a pig. But she does people things, like acting in movies and getting jealous. She’s obviously not a pig like the pigs we eat. I mean, last I checked, people wear dresses and karate-chop their enemies. So, no, I don’t feel bad for taking a pig out for adult drinks.
The only thing that makes me feel bad is that Miss Piggy thinks it was a harmless hook-up. And that she’s still hung up on her frog ex-boyfriend, Kermit. I have to deal with that. I’m not mad. Just disappointed.
Everybody knows that Miss Piggy just got out of a very long relationship. And everybody knows that her ex is already seeing somebody new. So of course her emotions are raw, and she’s entitled to go out and hook up with dudes.
I’ve just never been a rebound. I’m usually the boyfriend. Or whatever it’s called when you get nothing and you just go home to watch “Seinfeld.”
Miss Piggy and I had been texting a lot toward the end of her breakup. I’m not proud of secretly flirting with a pig-woman with a boyfriend, but I never met Kermit so I didn’t care about his feelings. If I’m being totally honest, I think Kermit’s a coward and a loser and I was happy to take his girl. He’s obviously not good enough for Miss Piggy and he has no problem parading his younger pig around even though he knows it hurts Miss Piggy. A**hole tries to pretend like that’s an OK thing to do and he’s just this neurotic sweetheart. He’s not. And if I had it my way, Kermit would get eaten by a snake.
[From HuffPo]
Piggy is apparently a lush who is very good in bed, but “Denise is hot garbage.” Things get hotter and steamier between Piggy and John from there. I won’t spoil what happens, but it is unexpected, and now Piggy seems like a different pig to me. She was clearly cheating on Kermit while he was fooling around with Denise. Man, why does anyone bother getting married anymore? Anyway, here’s one of John’s tweets from a month ago. This affair has apparently been ongoing, but it’s over now. She broke his heart.
Miss Piggy just left my place.
— TrowbyTrowbyTrowby (@JohnTrowbridge) August 5, 2015
Photos courtesy of Liam Hemsworth on Instagram, Fame/Flynet & WENN
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